10 Flicks: Terrible Movies I Own
Like many film fans out there, I have a pretty large collection of DVD’s. I’m extremely proud of the diversity of my collection as there are films from virtually every genre you can think of. Most people organize their movies alphabetically or by director. Some organize them by genre or actor. Some probably alphabetize those sections as well.
I’m different. My movies are organized in a rough order of which ones I like the most. The system works like this:
You stand in front of my shelves and decide the type of movie you feel like watching. Something may jump out at you right away. Surrounding each movie are dozens of similar films thus giving you more options. Get it? Lets move on.
Guess what’s on the bottom shelf?
The “Why the hell do I own this” shelf.
For this post, I consulted the least visited section of my collection and came up with 10 movies I have the misfortune of owning.
Why do I own them? Here are a few reasons:
- Buy 2 get 1 free. At least it was free!
- Bulk purchases off eBay. Back in the day, I’d bid on collections of 10 or 20. There were always a few duds in there. (Surprises too though)
- I had a hunch and was let down.
- Someone gave me a glowing review and I shouldn’t have listened.
- I buy bad movies on purpose. How else can you learn to write better movies without identifying why you DISLIKE certain films.
Regardless of how I acquired these films, they are still treasured additions to my collection. Just for the wrong reasons.
Honorable Mention: The Simple Life Season 1… It was 3 bucks! Leave me alone…
Dragon Wars
I absolutely love monster movies. I basically bought this hoping it would be a companion film to The Host. (Which was awesome.) I just hope Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus is better. I’ll probably own that someday too.
Reign Of Fire
Great cast, great concept. Really, really bad movie. I really wanted to love it too!
Shadow Fury
Still not sure why I have it. I don’t even remember buying it. Maybe I stole it. That’d be sweet.
Note: I don’t steal things.
Cradle 2 The Grave
I should’ve known that an action movie with DMX would suck but I thought I could put it beside Romeo Must Die which also features DMX and Jet Li. I loved Romeo Must Die. Cradle 2 The Grave… Woops.
The Nines
I’m a big fan of Ryan Reynolds but this movie confused the crap out of me. I got it eventually but whew, I forced it.
P2
I have an entire selection of awesome B-Thrillers. P2 is no where near that section.
Anacondas
This is the only movie on this list with a chance of escape. I turned it off after about 25 minutes and never looked back. Someday, I will revisit and hopefully it won’t be terrible. Nah it probably still will.
NOTE: A J-Lo clone? Really?
Dragonball: Evolution
I don’t even want to talk about it. One of the worst movies of 2009. Click here for my thoughts.
Revolver
Who cares who the oppenent is! That conversation was terrible. Guy Ritchie… I still think you kick ass but this movie was awful.
Darkness
The worst movie I’ve ever seen in my life. I bought it willingly as a constant reminder to work really, really hard on my scripts.
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You forgot ‘Signs’.
I guess I am amazed that you would go through and admit to having these. I would lie and say that friends gave them to me, either as a joke or as research. When you bring up the point of buying these movies to know how to identify what you dislike, I would think your money would be better spent on renting these films. Or if you are really pressed for time watch them on SciFi. (Sorry, can’t bring myself to call it the new name!) I usually hold my scripts up to those before I would ever consider trying to sell them or produce them. Really, “Snakes on a Sub”?!?
My old roommate and I would rent 5 movies at one time, it was a weird deal at the nearby Blockbuster, and we generally picked up only horror films. He paid and I was working on a horror script at the time, so I dealt with watching some really C-level movies. Most of the films would consider Kathy Griffin as a superstar! I would make little notes of what did work and what didn’t work in my opinion. (I base all opinions of movies as to what I would enjoy sitting and watching for 90-120 minutes.)
I’ve noticed that horror films and sci-fi films really take the cake when it comes to being very VERY bad. Not really sure why those two genres seem to find the worst writers and directors. Thinking back on all the rentals out there, and flipping through Netflix now, I find my time better spent looking at 5 good films and 3 bad films.
Do you consider these films as your guilty pleasure “terrible” films? Or do you have another set of films you love but other people look at you and wonder why you like them?
Back in highschool, I used to go to the video store on mondays and literally close my eyes and point. As a result, I gained an appreciation for movies that some would call terrible. (I spent a lot of time in the horror section as well.)
I have a giant stack of movies that I adore and people scratch their heads about it. Truthfully, I don’t even feel bad haha. I believe that just because the masses deem a movie to be awful, doesn’t mean I won’t love it. So I’ll watch any movie once and try to appreciate what the filmmakers were trying to accomplish.
Sometimes this system backfires but even if I have to sit through 50 billion movies I hate, it’s worth it to find one or two gems I love.