The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 1

March 6, 2012 at 12:20 am

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 1 | Best Dumb & Dumber Quotes | 100-31



Dumb and Dumber is arguably the most quotable comedy of all time.  Everyone quotes lines that make them laugh.  In my generation, or at least within my circle of friends, the champ is Dumb & Dumber.

While I was gathering material for this post, I realized that every one of my friends adore different lines from the film.  What started as a top 10 quickly became a top 50.  How could I possibly leave certain lines out?  In the end, over 100 lines were ready to be ranked.  A simple idea for a top 10 post became an enormous list of virtually every line of dialogue in the film.  I may have done the leg work creating a list but it’s essentially become a tribute that any Dumb and Dumber fan would love.  I had a blast creating this series.

What’s your favorite Dumb & Dumber quote?

In part 1 of this series, I rank #100 all the way to #31.  Part 2 will complete the Top 100 and Part 3 will focus on the lines that didn’t make the cut (believe it or not), links, sequel news and more…

Click here for Part 2: The Top 30
Click here for Part 3: The Tribute

So let’s get to it.  The top 100 Dumb & Dumber quotes.


100-Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.

99-Lloyd: How about you go over and introduce yourself, build me up, that way I don’t have to brag about myself later.

98-Lloyd: Harry, you’re alive… and you’re a horrible shot!

97-Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you’re chewin’ on a burger, the next minute you’re dead meat.
Harry: But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words.
Lloyd: Not if you count the gurgling sound.

Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
96-Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident.
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
95-Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
94-Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It’s a shaggin’ wagon.

93-Lloyd: You just earned your seat at the head table.  And we already got the tuxes.

92-Lloyd: There you go… There you go… There you go…

Harry: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?
91-Lloyd: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

90-Lloyd: All this time I’ve been going through such pain and personal ANGUISH… SUCH HELL, for NOTHING!

Harry: I can’t believe we drove around all day, and there’s not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
89-Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

88-Harry: Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.

87-Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We’ve gotta get out of this town!
Harry: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?
86-Lloyd: I’ll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.
the Harry: Oh, I don’t know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

85-Lloyd: Excuse me. Could you tell me how to get to the medical school? I’m supposed to be giving a lecture in 20 minutes, and my driver’s a bit lost.

84-Lloyd: I swallowed a big June bug when we were driving. I’m not really hungry.

83-Lloyd: Suck me sideways!

Lloyd: So where are you headin’?
Mary: Aspen.
82-Lloyd: Hmmm, California! Beautiful!

81-Lloyd: Out with the bad, in with the good!
80-Lloyd: He’s resisting me!

79-Harry: Now we don’t have enough money to get to Aspen, we don’t have enough money to get home, we don’t have enough money to eat, we don’t have enough money to sleep!
78-Lloyd: Well, it’s not gonna do us any good sitting here whining about it.

77-Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?

76-Lloyd: I’ll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!
Harry: No way!
Lloyd: I’ll give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Ten to one?
Harry: You’re on!
Lloyd: I’m gonna get ya!
Harry: Nuh uh!
Lloyd: I don’t know how, but I’m gonna get ya.

75-Lloyd: Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.

74-Harry: That was genius, Lloyd, sheer genius. I mean where did you come up with a scam like that?
Lloyd: Saw it in a movie once.
Harry: That’s incredible! So what happened, so the guy tricks some sucker into picking up his tab and gets away with it scott free?
73-Lloyd: No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat! Hahaha! It was a good one.

72-Lloyd: You spilled the salt, that’s what’s the matter! Spilling the salt is very bad luck! We’re driving across the country, the last thing we need is bad luck. Quick, toss some salt over your right shoulder.
71-Sea Bass: What the hell? Who’s the dead man that hit me with the salt shaker?

70-State Trooper: Give me that booze you pumpkin pie haircutted freak!

Harry: Look at the butt on that…
69-Lloyd: Yeah, he must work out.

68-Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?

Harry: Hey look there’s some people who want a ride too.
67-Lloyd: Pick’em up!

State Trooper: Pullover!
66-Harry: No, it’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing.
65-Lloyd: Yeah, killer boots man!

64-Lloyd: You can’t be too careful. There are a lot of bad drivers out there.

63-Lloyd: Tic-Tac, sir?

62-Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That’s right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of ’em?
Beth: Yes.
Harry: Cool!

Lloyd: My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That’s nice.
61-Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That’s what we’re gonna call it. “I Got Worms!” We’re gonna specialize in selling worm farms.

60-Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we’re in like a dirty shirt.
59-Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic-Oh check out the funbags on that hose-hound.
58-Lloyd: I’d like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.

57-Harry: Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg…
Lloyd: Okay kill him…

Harry: I have to go to the bathroom.
56-Lloyd: Just go man…

55-Lloyd: If I know Mary as well like I think I do, she’ll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

54-Lloyd: I traded the van for it straight up.

53-Lloyd: Pills are goooood. Pills are goooood!

52-Lloyd: Man, I would have to be a real lowlife to go rooting around in someone else’s private property.
Harry: Is it locked?
Lloyd: Yeah. Really well.

51-State Trooper: You fellas been doing a bit of boozing, have you? Suckin back on grandpa’s old cough medicine?

50-Lloyd: Goodbye my loooooooooove!

49-Lloyd: I said, “Do you love me?” and she said, “No, but that’s a really nice ski mask.”

48-Lloyd: Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I’ll be right back. Don’t you go dying on me!

47-Lloyd: You really wimped out, man.

46-Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d do anything to bone her.
Harry: That’s a special feeling, Lloyd.


44-Harry: Foot long! Who’s got the foot long?

43-Lloyd: Move it or lose it sister!

42-Lloyd: Husband? Wait a minute… what was all that ‘one in a million’ talk?

41-Harry: How’s your burger?

40-Lloyd: Mary… I desperately wanna make love to a school boy.

39-Lloyd: Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

38-Lloyd: We don’t usually pick up hitchhikers… but I’m-a gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up partner!

Beth: So I told myself. Beth you just got to run girl and oh you know what that clutz did next?
37-Lloyd: No and I DON’T CARE!
36-Lloyd: BarTENDER…

35-Lloyd: Tell her I’m rich, and I’m good looking, and I have, uh, a rapist’s wit.

Bikini Girl: Hi guys. We’re going on a national bikini tour, and we’re looking for two oil boys who can grease us off before each competition.
34-Harry: You are in luck! There’s a town about three miles that way. I’m sure you’ll find a couple guys there.
Bikini Girl: Okay, thanks.
33-Lloyd: Do you realize what you’ve done?

32-Lloyd: Boy this party really died.

Lloyd: What is the Soup Du Jour?
Flo, Waitress #1: It’s the Soup of the Day.
31-Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I’ll have that.