The Best Dumb & Dumber Quotes

September 27, 2012 at 12:39 am

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes


It’s a hard question to answer especially if you adore the movie.  It’s easily the most quoted movie among my circle of friends and narrowing it down to one was tough.

Originally, I set out to create a Top 10 but that wasn’t easy.  There are simply too many phenomenal lines.  By the time I was finished, I had a massive list of Harry & Lloyd’s funniest moments.

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes!

Click here for Part One: #100 to #31

Click here for Part Two: #30 to #1

Click here for Part Three: The Tribute

I realized after I completed the list that it was essentially the entire script.  That’s a compliment to The Farrelly Brothers as well as Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels.

The Best Dumb & Dumber Quotes | Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Qutoes

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 3: The Tribute

March 8, 2012 at 7:19 am

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 1 | Best Dumb & Dumber Quotes | 100-31


That’s that!

100 Amazing and hilarious quotes from my favorite comedy of all time.

Click here for #100-31
Click here for #30-1

I wanted to finish up this series with a look at what makes the movie so memorable and what Dumb & Dumber means to fans.  But first, here are some more quotes that couldn’t quite sneak into the top 100.


111-Harry: According to the map we’ve only gone 4 inches.

110-Lloyd: She actually talked to me.
: Get outta here!

109-Lloyd: Got a little nippy going through the pass, huh Har?

108-Mental: Shut up! Now we don’t even know who the hell they are! You don’t kill people you don’t know. That’s a rule.

107-Lloyd: What’s the matter, Har? Some little filly break your heart?
Harry: No, it was a girl.

Reporter: Tomorrow on “A Current Affair,” inside the home of the Menendez brothers’ attorney. And next, we’ll be back in a minute with the heartbreaking story of the blind Rhode Island boy who was duped into buying a dead parakeet.
106-BILLY: I just thought he was real quiet.

105-Lloyd: To my friend Harry. The matchmaker.

Harry: Put us down for 4
104-Lloyd: In case we want seconds.

103-Harry: I was just shaving.

102-Lloyd: Find a happy place…  Find a happy place.

101-Lloyd: You really wimped out.


Dumb and Dumber IMDB

Rotten Tomatoes Scores

Box Office Mojo


It should be pretty apparent that I highly enjoyed Dumb & Dumber.  Here are so more posts I’ve done over the last few years:

All Time Best: Funniest Movie Moment

All Time Best: Quotable Movie Character

Movie Power Rankings #15-1

10 Flicks: Awesome Comedy Duos

10 Flicks: Pre-Drinking Comedies 1

10 Flicks: Pre-Drinking Comedies 2

Movies That Scarred Me For Life: Dumb & Dumberer


I’ve counted down the top 100 Quotes but there are so many more classic moments.  What about Lloyd’s hilarious ‘I’m about to throw up’ expression when he sees Harry and Mary together?  How about The Burp?  I still laugh watching Lloyd ‘run’ at an incredible rate or twirling pepperette nunchuks.

“Well if that guy over there is Sea Bass…”  An awesome scheme to avenge a mucus covered burger.

So many moments but, for me, the funniest moment in the film is… The Snowball.


When they announced the awful prequel many groaned.  How could anyone possibly recapture the magic of Dumb and Dumber without Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels.  (Or the Farrelly Brothers for that matter.)

I’ll be the first to admit that they definitely found two capable actors to play Harry and Lloyd.  The film didn’t really stand a chance and bombed across the board.

Lately, there have been quiet rumors that the real Dumb & Dumber 2 could be on the way.  Jim Carrey weighed in a while back:

“We’re talking about maybe returning to some old characters that everyone has been asking about. There’s ‘Bruce Almighty,’ and we’re talking about maybe another ‘Dumb and Dumber.” Deadline

Nothing has been officially announced yet but who knows.  Will we see what Harry and Lloyd are up to 20 years later?  (Will I Got Worms be a successful franchise?) Arguments can be made that even Jim & Jeff may not recapture the chemistry they created in the original.  I guess we will have to wait and see.

Check out these links to sequel news:

Peter And Bobby Farrelly Plan More ‘Dumb And Dumber’ For Jim Carrey & Jeff Daniels (Deadline)

Writers Hired For ‘Dumb & Dumber 2,’ Farrelly Brothers Still Hope to Reunite Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels (/Film)

A sequel to Dumb and Dumber could be the next project for the Farrelly Brothers (Joblo)

The Farrelly Brothers Plan to Next Direct DUMB AND DUMBER Sequel With Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels (Collider)

Dumb & Dumber 2 In The Works (Crave Online)

Jim Carrey is Considering a ‘Dumb and Dumber’ Sequel (Film School Rejects)

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 3: The Tribute | Best Comedy Dumb & Dumber


Some people just don’t get Dumb & Dumber and I understand that.  If you don’t laugh within 5 minutes odds are the humor isn’t for you.  I was 11 years old in 1994 when the film was released.  For nearly 20 years, I’ve adored the film and all the laughs it’s given me.  20 years!

I don’t know if we will every see Jim Carrey with a chipped tooth and a bowl cut again.  We may never see Jeff Daniels cruising in the Shaggin’ Wagon II.  We may never find out where they ended up after they let that model filled tour bus drive away…

We may never see those spectacular suits again.

No matter what happens, the original is an absolute classic.  100 Quotes and a million laughs later…

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 3: The Tribute | Best Comedy Dumb & Dumber

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 2

March 6, 2012 at 11:00 pm

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 1 | Best Dumb & Dumber Quotes | 100-31


100 Quotes.  That’s a lot of hilarious lines.

In part 1 of this series, I ranked #100 all the way to #31.  Now, it’s all about the best of the best.  The Top 30!



30-Sea Bass’ Friend: Kick his ass, Sea Bass!

Mary: So you’ll pick me up tonight at seven forty-five?
29-Harry: Well I got a few things to take care of. How about we make it quarter to eight?

28-Lloyd: What if he shot you in the face?
27-Harry: What if he shot me in the face?

Harry: One time, we successfully mated a bulldog with a Shih-Tzu.
Mary: Really? That’s weird.
26-Harry: Yeah, we called it a bullshit.

Lloyd: You mean, not good like one out of a hundred?
Mary: I’d say more like one out of a million.
25-Lloyd: So you’re telling me there’s a chance… YEAH!

24Lloyd: I’m going to hang by the bar… Put out the vibe.

Airport Clerk: Sir, you can’t go in there!
23-Lloyd: It’s ok, I’m a limo driver!

22-Lloyd: I can’t stop going once I’ve started. It stings!

21-Anxious Man: Ohhh you turned your back on me. Hooohhoooo he got me mad I almost like it!

Harry: It gets worse. My parakeet, Petey.
Lloyd: Yeah?
Harry: He’s dead.
Lloyd: Oh, man, I’m sorry. What happened?
20-Harry: His head fell off.
Lloyd: His head fell off?
19-Harry: Yeah. He was pretty old.

Harry: I expected the Rocky Mountains to be a little rockier than this.
18-Lloyd: I was thinking the same thing. That John Denver’s full of shit, man.

17-Harry: Nice set of hooters you got there!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Harry: The owls! They’re beautiful!

Harry: How was your day?
16-Lloyd: Not bad. Fell off the jet way again.

15-Lloyd: Mock
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Ing
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Bird
Harry: Yeah!
Lloyd: Yeah!
Harry: Yeah!

14-Lloyd: G’day mate! Let’s put another shrimp on the barbie!

13-Lloyd: Oh yeah. Tractor beam. Sucked me right in.

Nicholas Andre: What is this? What is this? Where’s all the money?
12-Lloyd: That’s as good as money, sir. Those are I.O.U.’s. Go ahead and add it up, every cents accounted for. Look, see this? That’s a car. 275 thou. Might wanna hang onto that one.

11-Lloyd: I can’t stop going once I’ve started, it stings!

The Top 10 Dumb & Dumber Quotes


Here we go.  After counting down 90 quotes we have now arrived at the Top 10.  The funniest and most quotable lines in the movie. (In my opinion of course)


9-Lloyd: I got robbed by a sweet old lady on a motorized cart. I didn’t even see it coming.

Lloyd: Maybe we should call it quits right now.
Harry: You just tell me where to sign, bud.
8-Lloyd: Right on my ass after you kiss it!
Harry: You kiss mine! Both cheeks, both lips, right here!

HARRY: What did you sell him Lloyd?
Lloyd: Stuff.
Harry: What kinda stuff?
Lloyd: I don’t know, a few baseball cards, a sack of marbles… Petey.
7-Harry: You sold my dead bird to a blind kid? Lloyd! Petey didn’t even have a head!
Lloyd: Harry, I took care of it…

Harry: Lloyd, I can’t feel my fingers, they’re numb!
6-Lloyd: Oh well here, take this extra pair of gloves, my hands are starting to get a little sweaty.
Extra gloves? You’ve had extra gloves this whole time?
Uh yea, we are in the Rockies. Jeez!

5-Lloyd: Harry… Your hands are freezing!

4-Lloyd: We got no food, we got no jobs… our PETS’ HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!
Okay just calm down.

3-Lloyd: You’re it.
Harry: You’re it.
Lloyd: You’re it, quitsies!
Harry: Anti-quitsies, you’re it, quitsies, no anti-quitsies, no startsies!
Lloyd: You can’t do that!
Harry: Can too!
Lloyd: Cannot, stamp it!
Harry: Can too, double stamp it, no erasies!
Lloyd: Cannot, triple stamp, no erasies, Touch blue make it true.
Harry: No, you can’t do that… you can’t triple stamp a double stamp, you can’t triple stamp a double stamp! Lloyd!

Harry: What’s her last name? I’ll look it up.
You know, I don’t really recall. Starts with an S! Let’s see. Swim? Swammi? Slippy? Slappy? Swenson? Swanson?
Maybe it’s on the briefcase.
2-Lloyd: Oh, yeah! It’s right here. Samsonite! I was way off! I knew it started with an S, though.

Lloyd: Traded the van for it straight up.  I can get 70 miles to the gallon on this hog.
: Just when I thought you couldn’t possibly be any dumber, you go and do something like this… and totally redeem yourself!


For even more check out Part 3

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 1

March 6, 2012 at 12:20 am

The Top 100 Dumb & Dumber Quotes Part 1 | Best Dumb & Dumber Quotes | 100-31



Dumb and Dumber is arguably the most quotable comedy of all time.  Everyone quotes lines that make them laugh.  In my generation, or at least within my circle of friends, the champ is Dumb & Dumber.

While I was gathering material for this post, I realized that every one of my friends adore different lines from the film.  What started as a top 10 quickly became a top 50.  How could I possibly leave certain lines out?  In the end, over 100 lines were ready to be ranked.  A simple idea for a top 10 post became an enormous list of virtually every line of dialogue in the film.  I may have done the leg work creating a list but it’s essentially become a tribute that any Dumb and Dumber fan would love.  I had a blast creating this series.

What’s your favorite Dumb & Dumber quote?

In part 1 of this series, I rank #100 all the way to #31.  Part 2 will complete the Top 100 and Part 3 will focus on the lines that didn’t make the cut (believe it or not), links, sequel news and more…

Click here for Part 2: The Top 30
Click here for Part 3: The Tribute

So let’s get to it.  The top 100 Dumb & Dumber quotes.


100-Harry: OK gang, you know the rules, no humping, no licking, no sniffing hineys.

99-Lloyd: How about you go over and introduce yourself, build me up, that way I don’t have to brag about myself later.

98-Lloyd: Harry, you’re alive… and you’re a horrible shot!

97-Lloyd: Life is a fragile thing, Har. One minute you’re chewin’ on a burger, the next minute you’re dead meat.
Harry: But he blamed me. You heard him. Those were his last words.
Lloyd: Not if you count the gurgling sound.

Harry: So you got fired again, eh?
96-Lloyd: Oh yeah. They always freak out when you leave the scene of an accident.
Harry: Yeah, well, I lost my job too.
95-Lloyd: Man, you are one pathetic loser. No offense.
Harry: No, none taken. You know what really chaps my ass though? I spent my life savings turning my van into a dog. The alarm alone cost me two hundred.
94-Lloyd: Hey, chicks love it. It’s a shaggin’ wagon.

93-Lloyd: You just earned your seat at the head table.  And we already got the tuxes.

92-Lloyd: There you go… There you go… There you go…

Harry: Why would she have you meet her in a bar at ten in the morning?
91-Lloyd: I just figured she was a raging alcoholic.

90-Lloyd: All this time I’ve been going through such pain and personal ANGUISH… SUCH HELL, for NOTHING!

Harry: I can’t believe we drove around all day, and there’s not a single job in this town. There is nothing, nada, zip!
89-Lloyd: Yeah! Unless you wanna work forty hours a week.

88-Harry: Yeah I called her up. She gave me a bunch of crap about me not listening to her, or something. I don’t know, I wasn’t really paying attention.

87-Lloyd: What the hell are we doing here, Harry? We’ve gotta get out of this town!
Harry: Oh yeah, and go where? Where are we gonna go?
86-Lloyd: I’ll tell you where. Someplace warm. A place where the beer flows like wine. Where beautiful women instinctively flock like salmon of Capistrano. I’m talking about a little place called Aspen.
the Harry: Oh, I don’t know, Lloyd. The French are assholes.

85-Lloyd: Excuse me. Could you tell me how to get to the medical school? I’m supposed to be giving a lecture in 20 minutes, and my driver’s a bit lost.

84-Lloyd: I swallowed a big June bug when we were driving. I’m not really hungry.

83-Lloyd: Suck me sideways!

Lloyd: So where are you headin’?
Mary: Aspen.
82-Lloyd: Hmmm, California! Beautiful!

81-Lloyd: Out with the bad, in with the good!
80-Lloyd: He’s resisting me!

79-Harry: Now we don’t have enough money to get to Aspen, we don’t have enough money to get home, we don’t have enough money to eat, we don’t have enough money to sleep!
78-Lloyd: Well, it’s not gonna do us any good sitting here whining about it.

77-Lloyd: What do you think the chances are of a guy like you and a girl like me… ending up together?

76-Lloyd: I’ll bet you twenty bucks I can get you gambling before the end of the day!
Harry: No way!
Lloyd: I’ll give you three to one odds.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Five to one.
Harry: No.
Lloyd: Ten to one?
Harry: You’re on!
Lloyd: I’m gonna get ya!
Harry: Nuh uh!
Lloyd: I don’t know how, but I’m gonna get ya.

75-Lloyd: Hey guys. Woah, Big Gulps, huh? All right! Well, see ya later.

74-Harry: That was genius, Lloyd, sheer genius. I mean where did you come up with a scam like that?
Lloyd: Saw it in a movie once.
Harry: That’s incredible! So what happened, so the guy tricks some sucker into picking up his tab and gets away with it scott free?
73-Lloyd: No, in the movie, they catch up to him half mile down the road and slit his throat! Hahaha! It was a good one.

72-Lloyd: You spilled the salt, that’s what’s the matter! Spilling the salt is very bad luck! We’re driving across the country, the last thing we need is bad luck. Quick, toss some salt over your right shoulder.
71-Sea Bass: What the hell? Who’s the dead man that hit me with the salt shaker?

70-State Trooper: Give me that booze you pumpkin pie haircutted freak!

Harry: Look at the butt on that…
69-Lloyd: Yeah, he must work out.

68-Lloyd: Why you going to the airport? Flying somewhere?

Harry: Hey look there’s some people who want a ride too.
67-Lloyd: Pick’em up!

State Trooper: Pullover!
66-Harry: No, it’s a cardigan but thanks for noticing.
65-Lloyd: Yeah, killer boots man!

64-Lloyd: You can’t be too careful. There are a lot of bad drivers out there.

63-Lloyd: Tic-Tac, sir?

62-Harry: Skis, huh?
Beth: That’s right!
Harry: Great! They yours?
Beth: Uh-huh.
Harry: Both of ’em?
Beth: Yes.
Harry: Cool!

Lloyd: My friend Harry and I are saving up to open our own pet store.
Mary: That’s nice.
61-Lloyd: I got worms!
Mary: I beg your pardon?
Lloyd: That’s what we’re gonna call it. “I Got Worms!” We’re gonna specialize in selling worm farms.

60-Lloyd: All we need to do is show a little class, a little sophistication, and we’re in like a dirty shirt.
59-Harry: No problem, Lloyd. We can be classy and sophistic-Oh check out the funbags on that hose-hound.
58-Lloyd: I’d like to eat her liver with some fava beans and a nice bottle of Chianti.

57-Harry: Yesterday was one of the greatest days of my life. Mary and I went skiing, we made a snowman, she touched my leg…
Lloyd: Okay kill him…

Harry: I have to go to the bathroom.
56-Lloyd: Just go man…

55-Lloyd: If I know Mary as well like I think I do, she’ll invite us right in for tea and strumpets.

54-Lloyd: I traded the van for it straight up.

53-Lloyd: Pills are goooood. Pills are goooood!

52-Lloyd: Man, I would have to be a real lowlife to go rooting around in someone else’s private property.
Harry: Is it locked?
Lloyd: Yeah. Really well.

51-State Trooper: You fellas been doing a bit of boozing, have you? Suckin back on grandpa’s old cough medicine?

50-Lloyd: Goodbye my loooooooooove!

49-Lloyd: I said, “Do you love me?” and she said, “No, but that’s a really nice ski mask.”

48-Lloyd: Hey, I guess they’re right. Senior citizens, although slow and dangerous behind the wheel, can still serve a purpose. I’ll be right back. Don’t you go dying on me!

47-Lloyd: You really wimped out, man.

46-Lloyd: The first time I set eyes on Mary Swanson, I just got that old fashioned romantic feeling where I’d do anything to bone her.
Harry: That’s a special feeling, Lloyd.


44-Harry: Foot long! Who’s got the foot long?

43-Lloyd: Move it or lose it sister!

42-Lloyd: Husband? Wait a minute… what was all that ‘one in a million’ talk?

41-Harry: How’s your burger?

40-Lloyd: Mary… I desperately wanna make love to a school boy.

39-Lloyd: Wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?

38-Lloyd: We don’t usually pick up hitchhikers… but I’m-a gonna go with my instincts on this one. Saddle up partner!

Beth: So I told myself. Beth you just got to run girl and oh you know what that clutz did next?
37-Lloyd: No and I DON’T CARE!
36-Lloyd: BarTENDER…

35-Lloyd: Tell her I’m rich, and I’m good looking, and I have, uh, a rapist’s wit.

Bikini Girl: Hi guys. We’re going on a national bikini tour, and we’re looking for two oil boys who can grease us off before each competition.
34-Harry: You are in luck! There’s a town about three miles that way. I’m sure you’ll find a couple guys there.
Bikini Girl: Okay, thanks.
33-Lloyd: Do you realize what you’ve done?

32-Lloyd: Boy this party really died.

Lloyd: What is the Soup Du Jour?
Flo, Waitress #1: It’s the Soup of the Day.
31-Lloyd: Mmmm. That sounds good. I’ll have that.


Movies That Scarred Me For Life: Dumb & Dumberer

July 13, 2011 at 8:01 am

Movies That Scarred Me For Life: Dumb & Dumberer | Movie Blog

Movies that scarred me for life is all about the movies that keep you up at night.  The horrors you just can’t seem to get out of your head.  But beyond the monsters, ghosts, slashers and aliens, there are also the cringe worthy films you wish you never saw.  Movies that made you wish you had the lost two hours of your life back.  There are tons of ways a movie can scar you for life.  This series will look at 12 of my personal favorites.

Dumb & Dumberer

dumb & dumberer bad movie

The original Dumb & Dumber is pretty much my favorite comedy of all time.  It’s hard to find someone in my generation who won’t laugh at least a little if someone yells:

“You sold my dead bird to a blind kid!?”


“Why you going to the airport?  Flying somewhere?”

The movie is full of quotes that dominated a lot of conversations I’ve had with my friends over the years.  Dumb & Dumber is a classic.  Plain and simple.

XTRA | All Time Best: Quotable Movie Character


There have been rumors for decades that a true sequel starring Jeff Daniels & Jim Carrey would arrive someday.  Lloyd Christmas himself even talked about the possibility not too long ago.  Sadly, we got a prequel instead.  Dumb & Dumberer: When Harry Met Lloyd…

What a complete disaster.  The film tried desperately to duplicate the magic of the first film but failed at almost every turn.  If you are a die hard Harry & Lloyd fan this movie made you cringe.  Although, I will say they did a fantastic job casting the two leads.  I really wasn’t horrified by the acting at all.  It was the story that bothered me the most…

There is a very fine line you have to walk when creating a movie that is purposely dumb.  The first movie got it right.  The second movie was frustratingly bad and tainted the memories of Sea Bass, IOUs, TurboLax and “what if he shot you in the face?” 

Did we really need an imaginary pirate in the prequel?  Did the whole thing have to hinge on a special education program so a principal can steal some cash?  The first film was all about two idiots in the wrong place at the wrong time. (Yes that was an intentional quote too.)  Having someone scheme against them bothered me especially for a paltry 100 grand.

And don’t get me started on how they treated Freda Feltcher!

dumb and dumberer when harry met lloyd

For a while I was disappointed because there was so much wasted potential but I got over it.  Some movies should be left alone and Dumb and Dumber is one of them.  I suppose exceptions can be made if the Jim, Jeff & the Farrelly brothers return.  I’m not holding my breath.

It’s hard to watch some of your favorite characters get trashed on the big screen.  I watched Dumb & Dumberer ONE TIME and I’ve been trying to ignore it’s existence ever since.  Thankfully, I can still go back and watch one of the funniest movies ever made.

dumb and dumber boy this party really died

“Boy this party really died…”

XTRA | 10 Flicks: Pre Drinking Comedies 2